To Drown A Mosquito

I love to kill.  

The pain that results from their bite is a tingling painful feeling I can never comprehend. It is this pain that makes me want to crush them between my palms. I could hear their stomach stretch, tear, explode and their blood splatters against my palms. I forget about the pain from their bite and from my palms. I forget about the stain of the mosquitoes’ blood. I am filled with satisfaction. I have taken my revenge. 

There is however another way of killing them in a less violent way. That is by letting them drown in oil. It is not like drowning an animal. In the first place, mosquito is an insect lest you forget. It is not as gory as drowning an animal in the person of your enemy or drowning an animal by itself.  

No, far from that.  

Not that they drown or react to the absence of oxygen differently. Just that, no body notices. And no body really cares except maybe a scientist who cared to study how a mosquito drowns. 

Anyway, here is how to drown a mosquito in oil in three very easy steps.First we have to deal with the don’ts. 1st don’t is, do not take any frying pan. Do not heat the oil. Do not fry the mosquito. 

Now, the three very easy steps to drown a mosquito in oil: 

Step One: You get a plastic plate. The wider the better. Aside from the carbon dioxide we exhale and the scent we emit, I read somewhere that mosquitoes are attracted to bright colors. Maybe it will help if you use a bright colored plastic plate and exhale more frequently. Every time you wave the plate, mosquitoes notice it. They rush toward the plate. You will catch more in the process. That is the theory. 

Step Two: Apply oil, preferably used oil, unless your mother or your yaya or cook does not pinch you at your thigh for “playing” with an expensive household commodity such as oil. Spread it evenly as possible through out the plate except at the side where you intend to hold it.  

Step Three: Look for mosquitoes and hit them with the plate.If you hit them right, they will stick on the oil in the plate. One or two will crawl out the plate. So, watch out for them. They may take revenge. I doubt, however, if they survive. They drown. 

Sometimes, if you have been hurt many times, you become irrational. You just want to hit them back. Be careful your mom, dad, brother, sister or anyone doesn’t hit you. If the mosquitoes are near the tv set, watch out you don’t hit the tv screen. Watch out for the vase, etc. 

Then when you are tired, you rest. You watch television. When you see that in some portions of your tv screen the image is distorted, or you could see the rainbow colors, you have witnessed another down side of this drowning technology. You are sure, that not only your tv screen but everything inside your house near which you hit a mosquito has at least a drop of oil that flew from your magic plate. So there is really wisdom in doing everything moderately. I mean, in applying oil to the plate.

One thought on “To Drown A Mosquito

  1. atty., gud day poh… ur sir bj’s younger brother pala? wel, im one of his students poh..and i wud like to borrow one of ur oration piece.. pwd poh??

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